Levels of Listening

Give the other person your attention before you give them an answer

I ran an executive leadership day that included a session on listening. The following week, one of the executives told me what he had tried at home.

His wife had taken their six-year-old daughter out, leaving him with their three-year-old son. He decided to practice listening with the boy. While his son played with Hot Wheels, he paid attention and reflected back what he heard.

“Daddy, I think the blue car is my favorite,” his son said. “The blue car is your favorite?” the executive replied.

That night, the boy asked for his father to put him to bed, something his mother usually did. As his father read him a story and his eyes grew heavy, he said, “Dad, this was the best day ever.”

I keep coming back to that example because the change was something the executive could choose to do. He put his attention on the person in front of him. You can practice that in your next conversation too.

At a glance

• Co-Active Coaching describes three levels of listening, and the difference between them is where your attention goes.
• Focused listening is the level to improve first, because it means understanding the speaker's meaning and checking it before you add your own view.
• Listening creates commitments, so record what you agreed to do and follow up on whether it helped.

Where the three levels come from

Co-Active Coaching describes internal, focused and global listening. The distinction is where your attention goes: toward your own thoughts, toward the speaker or toward the broader conversation and setting.

I use those levels as a prompt to notice what I'm doing. If you're preparing your reply while someone speaks, you can recognize it and return your attention to them. If you're concentrating on one person in a meeting, you can also notice who hasn't contributed.

Start by improving focused listening. Give someone enough attention to understand their meaning, then check that you've understood before adding your own view. You'll have a useful skill you can practice in an ordinary meeting.

The table below compares the three levels, and the sections after it take each one in turn.

Level 1: notice your own commentary

Internal listening is attention directed toward yourself. You hear something and immediately connect it to your experience, your concern or the advice you'd like to give.

That can be useful when you're deciding what you think. The problem comes when your internal commentary occupies the time the other person needs to explain. You may respond to their first sentence while missing the information in the rest of the answer.

Notice the moment you start rehearsing a reply. Let the person finish. If you lose the thread, say so and ask them to repeat the important part. It's better to correct your understanding than continue with a response to something they didn't mean.

You can also reduce avoidable distractions before the conversation starts. Close the message window, put the phone away and decide how much time you have. If you only have ten minutes, say that and agree which issue you'll work through.

Level 2: understand the speaker's meaning

Focused listening gives the speaker your attention. You're trying to understand their situation, what matters to them and what they need to work out.

Ask a question that helps them explain. If they say a project is difficult, ask which part is getting in the way. If they describe a conflict, ask what happened in the most recent conversation. Stay with the answer long enough to understand it.

Then summarize the meaning you've taken from it. Use your own words and leave room for correction. Repeating every sentence can make a conversation feel mechanical. A useful summary shows the person which part you believe matters and lets them refine it.

You can disagree after you've understood. Make that sequence clear: describe the concern accurately, check it with the speaker and then explain your view.

Listening gives you better information for the decision you're still responsible for making.

Level 3: notice the wider conversation and check your reading

Global listening extends your attention to the setting. In a group, you may notice a pause, a change in pace or someone who has stopped contributing.

Treat those observations as reasons to ask. A quiet person may disagree, need time to think, be dealing with an interruption or have nothing to add. Check before assigning a meaning.

You might ask whether anyone needs more time with the information, or invite each person to name a concern about the decision. Give them a way to respond that fits the meeting. For a remote group, that could include a written comment after the call.

Use the same care with tone and body language. Describe what you observed and invite an explanation. People communicate differently, and your interpretation deserves checking as much as any other assumption.

What research adds

In four laboratory experiments reported by Guy Itzchakov, Avraham Kluger and Dotan Castro in the January 2017 issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, high-quality listening supported reduced social anxiety and greater recognition of conflicting attitudes across the topics tested. The experiments examined listening experiences and attitude processing in controlled settings; Co-Active's three levels remain a practical teaching framework.

That finding gives me a reason to leave room for someone to think while they speak. If you supply the answer immediately, you may miss the part they are still trying to understand themselves.

My recommendation is to make the conversation useful from the speaker's side. Ask whether they need help thinking, a decision from you or advice based on your experience. Then respond to that need and check whether your response helped.

Make listening work in a CEO's calendar

You don't need to turn every meeting into a long coaching session. Give the important issue a clear purpose and enough time. Ask what the person most needs to resolve before you begin discussing the background.

When several issues compete for attention, agree which one you'll address first. Keep a short note of the others so the speaker knows you heard them. If you need to interrupt, explain why and check that you're preserving the issue they consider important.

For recurring one-to-ones, leave room for the person to bring something you didn't request. You already receive the updates you've asked for. This is a chance to understand what you may have missed.

Before you move into advice, ask what they've tried and what they are considering. Their answer may reveal a workable option, an obstacle you can remove or a decision that genuinely needs your authority.

Follow through on what you hear

Listening creates responsibilities when the conversation reveals a problem you need to address. If you agree to make an introduction, clarify a priority or review a decision, record that commitment and keep it.

If you can't offer what the person wants, say so clearly. Explain what you can do and where the limit sits. Letting them leave with an expectation you don't intend to meet will make the next conversation harder.

Also protect sensitive information. Before you share a concern with someone else, check what can be shared and explain any responsibility you have to take the matter further. Keep the person informed about the next step.

A follow-up can be brief. Ask whether the obstacle changed, whether your action helped and what remains unresolved. That connects the attention you gave in the meeting to the work the person needs to do afterwards.

Practice in one conversation this week

Try this

Choose a conversation where you're likely to have a quick answer. Before it begins, decide to understand the issue fully before offering that answer.

Use these questions to check yourself:

1. Am I following what the person is saying, or rehearsing my reply?
2. What do they most need me to understand?
3. Have I checked the meaning I've taken from their words?
4. What am I assuming from their tone or silence?
5. What have I agreed to do after this conversation?

At the end, summarize the issue and the next step. Ask what you've missed. Then follow through on the commitment you made and ask the person whether the conversation gave them what they needed.

Sources

• How the Three Levels of Listening Make You a Better Coach

  Co-Active Training Institute. Publication date not displayed; checked September 26, 2026.

• I Am Aware of My Inconsistencies but Can Tolerate Them: The Effect of High Quality Listening on Speakers' Attitude Ambivalence

  Guy Itzchakov, Avraham N. Kluger and Dotan R. Castro, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, January 2017; online November 16, 2016. Author's research page and original paper.